como se dice ‘grandma’s chicken salad’?

Because I come from a classic American family, I spent many Thursday nights of my childhood watching Friends, the only sitcom of which I have ever owned a DVD (Season Four Highlights, not that I know it by heart or anything).

Perhaps that is why my image of sexy was, from the time I stopped loving Full House’s Jonathan Taylor Thomas until Edward Norton stole my heart in Fight Club, constructed largely around Joey Tribbiani.

Joey could make anything naughty. Seriously, anything, as evidenced in my beloved Season Four, when he talks about Midwestern cooking. It’s about 2:30 into this clip:

Grandma’s chicken salad. Told you. As my celebrity crushes have shifted from movie stars to hip-hop moguls to scruffy travel writers, that phrase has stuck in my head as the epitome of sex.

Until now.

The Lawrence-based website BoomerGirl.com is marketed to boomer-aged women, currently in their mid-40s to early 60s. It won an EPpy award this year for Best Newspaper-Affiliated Web Site with fewer than 1 million unique monthly visitors. BoomerGirl’s popularity rests in its cheeky advice about love, looks and “living out loud,” but all these things pale when compared to Español con Ramon:

Meet Ramon. Ramon is BG’s “exclusive and oh-so-sexy Spanish teacher,” who is dedicated to teaching you, the middle-aged woman, one useful phrase each day. These phrases, posted with accompanying audio clips, include gems like “Este paquete es muy grande” (this package is very large) and “Dónde está la fotocopiadora?” (where is the photocopier?).

My favorite, though, comes from May 29, 2007: Un costal de papas.

I’m far from middle-aged, but Ramon’s sultry voice speaks to me. I’ve been playing it over and over this morning, the words evoking some deeper longing for sun-soaked beaches and illicit getaways with my garden boy.

“A sack of potatoes.”

Mmmm. Say it again, Ramon.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *